I had the blessed opportunity to participate in a butterfly release yesterday, Saturday, May 13, that was sponsored by the Maxton-Rosado Funeral Home for those who are grieving for their mothers in the middle of what is suppose to be a celebration in Du Quoin IL. Here are the words that I shared. I hope you might receive comfort.
We acknowledge that we stand on Native American Land, and that the name of our town, Du Quoin, was named for Chief Jean Baptiste Du Coingne, who in 1800 merged the tribes of Kaskaskia, Cohokia, and Tamaroa into a new confederacy following the dissolution of a prior treaty. And we know that the native americans are a spiritual people that considers all of creation sacred==right down to the tiniest insect—including the butterfly, which is considered a symbol of hope and comfort. They often decorate their clothes and possessions with butterflies. The mothers of the blackfoot tribe would embroider butterflies on the clothes and blankets of their children because they believed that dreams were delivered by butterflies.
There is a legend among the Pueblo tribe that the Creator felt sorry for the children when he realized that their destiny was to grow old and become wrinkled, fat, blind, and weak. Hence, he gathered beautiful colors from various sources such as sunlight, leaves, flowers, and the sky. These colors were put into a magical bag and presented to the children. When the children opened the bag, colored butterflies flew out, enchanting the children who had never seen anything so beautiful. The butterflies sang which further delighted the children. However, songbirds complained to the Creator because they were jealous that butterflies were both so beautiful and could sing like birds. So the Creator withdrew the ability to sing from butterflies. And, accordingly, butterflies are so beautifully colored but are now silent. (quoted from http://butterfly-lady.com/native-american-legends-of-the-butterfly/)
When we are grieving—we feel like that butterfly when we attend special celebrations such as Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the list goes on. We feel like we must show up—all colorful on the outside==because we don’t want to cause discomfort on such a HAPPY OCCASION, but SILENT about what we are truly feeling on the inside. Because if we were honest—we would be whispering, saying, maybe even screaming, “why is everyone having a good time? There is someone missing from our family table. Don’t you realize that I am standing here with a HOLE, in the middle of my life, where my loved one used to be—and that I am physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually suffering? Because grieving is healing, and healing hurts. And it doesn’t matter how many years it has been since your loss—there is no time frame to grief, there is no definitive 5-step plan on how to grieve, we grieve, the way we grieve.
But I want you to know that you are taking a healthy, positive step on this journey of grief that you are on by being here today. You are taking the time for self-care and to focus on your needs to help prepare yourself for what could be a hard day tomorrow. I know self-care is a buzzword that we hear a lot these days, and perhaps it sounds selfish—but I am telling you—you can’t help others, if your well is dry. So accept this time as a holy, sacred and good GIFT from God, and be refreshed by God’s blessing of Sabbath. And seek out more moments like this—especially when you are confronted by holidays and family traditions where you feel like you are alone because your loved one is not there.
But I want to declare, as a minister of the Gospel that you are not alone. I always go to Psalm 23 where it declares “The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall Not Want” and Yea, though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, you are with me—your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”
I want you to know, that if you find comfort and feel a spiritual connection to your loved one when you see a bird, a flower, a penny on the sidewalk, or a butterfly landing on your sleeve—then praise God for this blessing, because it is not God’s will that you suffer, but that you thrive.
So as we transition into the time when we release these beautiful creatures—I want you to do what you feel you are led to do—to make this a special, sacred, and spiritual moment that you can hold on to—like a a beautiful pearl—tomorrow, or anytime you are feeling the pain of loss.
Let us Pray:
Oh God,
We are thankful for this moment of sanctuary and sabbath as we are entering what could be a time of tension and turmoil as we are grieving—HEALING—from our loss and what it means for our lives. We are in awe of this butterfly—for though it only lives a few days—it retains all of the beauty and power of your creation in its tiny, fragile body. May it be a reminder that we are all connected by your spirit AND NOTHING can break those bonds—not even death. But let it also remind us that life is short and it is precious—so let us LIVE, and above all—LET…US..LOVE.
It is In your name we pray,
Amen